I Cheated and May Have Ruined My Marriage: What Do I Do Now?
Chances are if you’re reading this, you are in a state of brokenness, numbness, and shock.
You don’t know where to turn or what to do.
You’ve let one bad decision after another stack up, and you don’t know how you could’ve let yourself get to this point.
The pain is gut wrenching. The shame is crushing. The silence from those around you is deafening.
You have had feelings of euphoria, followed by guilt, anxiety, confusion, and devastation.
I know. I’ve been there, and I know it’s truly awful. And I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you’re there. I’m sorry you’ve made the choices you’ve made. I’m sorry for how broken you feel.
But this isn’t the end.
I’m living proof that you can make it through this moment.
You feel like you are in a Shawshank Redemption tunnel. And just like in the movie, you’re going to have to crawl through a lot of crap to get out. But you can get out on the other side.
And because Jesus walks with you through every step of the way, there is a river of grace and redemption waiting for you.
I say that with confidence—not theory.
What to Do After You’ve Cheated or Betrayed Your Marriage
If you’re in a situation where you’ve had an affair, broken the covenant of marriage, or are wondering if you can be redeemed, restored, or are even worthy of life—you’re in the right place.
I’m here to tell you from personal experience that I, too, committed grievous infidelity that cost me my marriage, loved ones, friends, nearly every possession, and more.
I didn’t know if I could recover after cheating on my spouse.
The first question I had to ask myself—and the one I want to ask you now—is this:
Do you want to get well?
Do You Want to Get Well? (John 5 and the Pool of Bethesda)
This question comes from the story in John 5, when Jesus meets the man at the Pool of Bethesda.
If you’re unfamiliar with the story, this man had been paralyzed for 38 years. He lay on a dirty, feces-infested mat for nearly four decades.
He sat beside a pagan pool—a place of supposed “promises.” According to ritual belief, when the water stirred, the first person to enter would be healed.
Year after year, nothing changed. Because when nothing changes, nothing changes.
Sound familiar?
Then Jesus steps in.
Jesus—the most holy man to ever walk the earth—steps directly into the arena of pagan rituals to meet this man in his mess. His false beliefs. His brokenness.
And what does Jesus do first?
He asks a question.
“Do you want to get well?” (John 5:6)
At first glance, it seems offensive. Of course he wants to get well… or does he?
After 38 years, the man responds with an excuse.
“I have no one to help me into the pool…” (John 5:7)
It’s understandable—but it’s still an excuse.
Yet Jesus meets him with compassion anyway. And then He heals him.
Get Up, Pick Up Your Mat, and Walk
Jesus says:
“Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” (John 5:8–9)
Three things matter here.
First: “Get up.”
Jesus heals the man and calls him higher. The Enemy wants you to stay down in your shame. Jesus tells you to rise in His light.
Second: “Pick up your mat.”
The nasty mat covered in urine, feces, and who knows what else. The mat everyone recognizes. Why would Jesus tell him to pick up the mat?
Because that mat becomes a message.
Your mess—through Jesus—can become your message.
Third: Immediate obedience.
He picked up his mat and walked.
So many men are offered freedom and choose familiarity instead. Predictable misery feels safer than unknown freedom.
But comfort is not where life is found.
Grace and Truth After Infidelity
Jesus later finds the man and says:
“See, you are well again. Stop sinning or something worse may happen to you.” (John 5:14)
That’s blunt truth from Jesus.
But don’t miss the grace that came first.
Jesus meets you where you are. He goes into the dark places to pull you out—not to shame you, but to transform you.
Behavior modification won’t save you. I don’t know about you, but I tried that. I needed help.
You need help.
And help has a name: Jesus.
What Happens Next Is a Choice
You have two options.
Option 1: Stay comfortable. Isolated. Passive. Familiar. You may find temporary relief—but nothing will truly change.
Option 2: Choose the narrow path. The uncomfortable one. The one that requires courage, ownership, and daily surrender.
This path changes everything—for future you, for your family, for your legacy.
It doesn’t happen passively. It requires intention, effort, and support. You must take ownership.
You Don’t Have to Walk This Alone
If you want help walking this road, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.
I’ve endured this long, grueling climb myself. Because of that, I can serve as a sherpa—someone who’s been on the mountain, knows the terrain, and can help guide you through the valleys toward strength, clarity, and freedom, while keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus.
Webster defines a sherpa as a member of the Tibetan people living on the high southern slopes of the Himalayas, known for providing support and guidance for foreign trekkers navigating difficult terrain.
Right now, you are the foreign trekker.
This is a massive mountain you’re facing. There will be steep paths, unpredictable storms, and moments where the footing feels unsure. You don’t need someone yelling from the base—you need someone who can walk with you, help steady you, and discern where the next step should be.
That’s what I offer.
If you feel led to take that next step, you can reach out to me directly through the contact form on this website by clicking here. There’s no pressure and no obligation—just a conversation to help you discern what pursuing healing, repentance, and restoration could practically look like for you.
And if it’s not me, then please—don’t choose to walk this road alone. That’s what got you here in the first place.
Find a trusted counselor, therapist, or pastor. And, surround yourself with godly men who will not only hold you accountable, but also hold you up when the weight feels heavy.
Do this for future you. Do this for your future family. Do this because Jesus still has more for your life—despite everything you’ve done.
And this I can say with conviction, grounded in experience and faith:
He is worth every sacrifice you’re willing to make to follow Him.
Every step. Every surrender. Every moment.
It leads to life and new hope greater than you can imagine.
